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Tragic Love Score

Originally Written: Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Sitting on this broken stage,
I wonder what went wrong.
I thought I was on the right page,
But I was singing a different song.
The other actors have up and left,
And the audience--refunds at the door.
Now I'm feeling cold and bereft;
They've managed to reopen the sore.

When will it be my turn
To show them what I'm made of?
I fell down once; I thought I'd learn
To fly with the grace of a dove.
But their bruises, they still burn,
But I will learn to rise above.
I hope that soon I'll get my turn
To find my everlasting love.

The fruits and vegetables still litter the ground.
I can still hear the laughs and jeers in my head.
I take a step, but I make no sound.
I can't count the number of tears I've shed.
Their cold words cut me so deep;
I thought it was for real this time.
But I was the only one playing for keeps.
Everyone else danced to the rhythm of the chime.

But I'm still waiting for my turn
To show them what I'm made of.
Can't they see how much I yearn
To succeed and rise above?
Patience is a virtue, or so I tried to learn,
But I can't sit in silence like the morning dove.
I hope that soon I'll get my turn
To find my everlasting love.

Gray

Originally Written: Thursday, January 15, 2009

Today the glass is half-empty.
Tomorrow, it may be half-full.
It just depends on these emotions
That do continue to pull.
My head is about to split.
I don’t know what to feel.
My emotions contradict—
But I know I want to heal.
Every day is another battle;
I never get to rest.
I always draw the losing straw
In life’s cruel contest.
Maybe someday I’ll look up
And see blue sky above me.
That’ll be the day I smile
And greet the life before me.

Error

Originally Written: Today

Do you truly want to know me?
No, I don't think you do.
I'm a vile person, really,
Far too grotesque for normal society.
I hide in shadows because
I'm too afraid to show my true face.
I preach my words,
But I have no idea what they mean.
I will never trust you,
But I can make you think I do.
I have a sense of humor that
Only conseals the darkness engulfing me.
The smile isn't real,
But it's convincing, isn't it?
Do you want to see it again?
I will squeeze your hand in support,
But secretly be thinking of ways to destroy you.
You are not my friend;
You will never be my friend,
But my MySpace account says otherwise.
I can count my every flaw
And list every trait used to hide them.
I am a screwed up individual,
But I'll say it's survival instinct.
I'm a hypocrite in every way,
But at least I can admit it.
And if you can't say the same about yourself,
Well, you're worse than I am
For at least I can admit when I fuck up.
At least I know where I fuck up.
To err is to be human,
And an error I truly am.

Vicious Cycle

Originally Written: Sunday, November 2, 2008

Peaceful and secure,
The bird sits on a branch,
Blindly trusting the branch's strength.
A breeze brushes past,
Causing the branch to sway.
Yet, the bird remains where it's at.
Remarkable trust?
Or laughable naivety?

It's wings spread wide
As it leaps from its secure perch.
It floats in the air,
Swiftly gliding overhead.
Its head is held high,
Proud and arrogant.
It has much to feel superior about,
But much to be wary of.

A loud crack resounds in the air,
Vibrating the calm world.
A swift cry...
A quiet thud!
... and all is still again.

Peaceful and secure,
A bird sits on a branch,
Blindly trusting the branch's strength.
The thrown once empty
Has now been reclaimed.
The vicious cycle begins anew.

Broken Hearts and Forgotten Dreams

Originally Written: Monday, October 6, 2008

I watched as he silently gave up,
The fight slowly draining from his body.
His pain was strong; his anguish was deep,
But I could do nothing to help him sleep.
The sun set in the depths of his eyes,
His eyelids closing together tightly.
I fought the onslaught of his tears,
Too afraid to confront his fears.

And all I could do was watch,
Too afraid to even want to try.
I couldn't save him!
I couldn't save him...

He's perched himself atop this cliff,
Feeling the wind whip at his limbs.
His head titls up to greet the rain.
He feels no cold, only numbing pain.
The masochistic greed was too much.
He's finally turned his back on me.
I wish I could find something to say,
But he just shouts at me, "Go away!"

And all I could do was watch,
Too afraid to even want to try.
I couldn't save him!
I couldn't save him...
I hold my breath but wish for naught.
I don't deserve the right to mourn.
I couldn't save him!
I couldn't save him...

His heart has finally turned to stone,
Freezing against his forgotten happiness.
His eyes are now so frigid cold.
I can't believe what I now behold.
She broke his heart one last time,
Preventing anyone from having it again.
It's now forever locked in its cage,
Guarded by bars, despair, and rage.

And all I could do was watch,
Too afraid to even want to try.
I couldn't save him!
I couldn't save him...
I hold my breath but wish for naught.
I don't deserve the right to mourn.
I couldn't save him!
I couldn't save him...
If only I would've stayed and fought,
I might be holding him this very night.
I couldn't save him!
I couldn't save him...

About a Girl

She's silent today.
No good can come from this.
She's silent today.
The sun doesn't rise in the east.
She's silent today.
The moon hides in its blanket.
She's silent today.
There's no slipping the beast.
She's silent today.
What made her heart stop?
She's silent today.
Who do we have left to blame?
She's silent today.
Nothing good can come from this.

There's no escaping this flickering flame.

She's gone silent, leaving us cold.
There's nothing to do, so we are told.
My hands shake, my heart races.
I don't know how I'm to ignore these faces.

She's silent today.
The rain falls down.
She's silent today.
The world has gone grey.
She's silent today.
The tears burn at me.
She's silent today.
There's nothing more to say.

A Wish for a Rewind

Orginally Written: Saturday, July 01, 2006

With the window open,
I sit in my room.
No lights are lit;
clouds block the sun.
One song plays,
over and over again.
A solitary candle burns,
dancing in its holder.
My thoughts are blurred;
I don't hear the song.
My palm burns,
squeezed so tightly shut.
Within my fingers,
I hold onto my regret.
The paper tears into my hand,
but I don't even feel it.
What have I done?

A Snake in the Grass

Orginally Written: Friday, June 01, 2007

Afternoon sun beats down on the park,
Warming the kids and the dogs that bark.
Hiding in shadows is a man unknown,
Watching a child who wanders alone.
She came by herself, her parents at home,
Unaware and uncaring of where she might roam.
The stranger jumps out, grabbing her arms,
All the while ogling her childish charms.
Startled, she struggles and lets out a shout,
Attracting attention from the parents about.
The stranger handles her in a deceptive way.
The parents misconstrue and go about their day.

Anguis in herba.

"If you be quite, I'll be real nice.
I might even let you have it twice."
He grabs her arm and pulls her along.
The child pulls; her struggles are strong.
He overpowers and manages to throw
Her into his car. He feels himself grow.
He's excited for what is about to come.
He joins her on the seat, grabbing her thumb.
She kicks out her leg, hurting him there.
He growls in pain and pulls down her underwear.
The little girl cries out in fright.
It's safe to say she'll die tonight.

Anguis in herba.

And now it's over, the deed is done.
He wipes his hands, turns, and runs.
He leaves her body there to rot
Beneath the sign in the parking lot
Where she'll be found the next day
By the same people who turned away,
Mistaking her cries for a childish outburst.
They stand in shock, knowing the worst.
"I wish there was something that I could do
To prevent this from happening to you."
Wishes are fruitless at this stage,
Prompted by hurt, confusion, and rage.

Anguis in herba.

Shadows in the Moonlight

Originally Written: Monday, September 29, 2008

Cautiously slinking into the night,
I hold my heart to quell its fright.
My breathing is rapid; my chest, tight.
My swollen skin hampers my sight.

I glance behind and hasten my pace.
The bright moonlight illuminates your face.
The past I wish I could erase--
Anything that may have caused this chase.

My foot snags on the root of a tree.
The ground comes forward, breaking free.
The dirt obscures all I could see,
Filling my eyes with excess debris.

A stinging grasp crushes my arm.
My heart fills with dread, resounding alarm.
Void of grace, beauty and charm,
Your face looms above, impending harm.

The first collision against my cheek
Is what I knew you thought to seek.
The earth below muffles my shriek.
I can't move; my body's too weak.

A sharp pain--you tug on my hair,
Dragging me back into there.
Four sturdy walls conceal your lair.
The scent of you fills the air.

It is here where your privacy is met,
The only place where I'm trapped in your net.
Memories abound I wish I could forget.
This is as close to Hell as I can get.

You kick your foot into my side,
Spitting words I need to abide.
I curl against myself, needing to hide,
Wishing I could get off of this ride.

You turn away; you slam the door.
I feel the action down to my core.
I'm now alone in here like before.
It's always the same, forever more.

You'll be back, this I know.
I wait for you, my eternal foe,
Ignoring the pains from the wounds that show
As I embrace the pain that no one knows.

Yesterday

Date Completed: Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I understand the words you said;
I heard you loud and clear.
And I know that you meant them all,
No matter how much you deny it.
And I hear the words you say today.
You've said them before,
Or do you not remember?
Somehow, I am not surprised.
You've never cared about yesterday.
But yesterday was today
Just as today was tomorrow.
But who cares about tomorrow?
It will only end up being today's yesterday,
And when it's not today,
It's okay to forget about it
Because you have to live in the moment,
Make things okay for the present,
No matter how badly,
How crudely,
You fucked up my yesterday.
Because yesterday doesn't matter.
And I'm supposed to live with it,
Forget the yesterdays, like you.
I can't dwell in the past.
But maybe that's my problem.
I dwell too much.
I dwell on you.
You're in my yesterday;
Should I forget you, too?
If yesterday doesn't matter,
Then stop bringing it up today!
Because today is about us,
It is not about them,
About what can't be changed.
But you won't let it go.
You're dwelling on it.
Maybe that's your problem;
You dwell too much.
I don't want to hear your words today
If they're only going to be about yesterday.
Because you're right.
Yesterday does not matter.